this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
