Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize