I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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