You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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