Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
