Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
