You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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