Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Randomize
