either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
