I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
