ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
