Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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