Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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