haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
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Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
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SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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