remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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