We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I forget how to act sober
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
