I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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