There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
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There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
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For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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