If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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