Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Houston, we have a blender
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
