my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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