Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I've blown a few things in my day
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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