I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
