I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
