I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
