U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
