All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
