Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
