So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm passing your future prison.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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