the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
