I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
