i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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