I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
