My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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