Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
