Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
