No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
