meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
