I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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