I can tuck mytits in my pants
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize