it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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