he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
