I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
