Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
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I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
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Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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