Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
