Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
