you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
