an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
