she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
