Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
