i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
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i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize