Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
