I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
