Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
