I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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