Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
