He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
