Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
