a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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