OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
