ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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