Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
