Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
