she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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