On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
