i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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