Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
