I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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