I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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