he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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