I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
